Lord, lead the way

I love it how God always brings us back to Him. Even when it seems like we've completely lost Him, He shows how much we need Him in our lives.

Things have been a bit chaotic and jumbled up in my own heart and mind lately. Well, maybe for about two months now. I feel I have been slipping away from Him, once again. Insecurities have been overwhelming me and this heart break of mine has been incredibly painful. I am someone with a warm, soft heart. Someone who welcomes with open arms and has a tough time rejecting or hating someone. Yet, for the first time, I am experiencing true hate and true anger. Anger that scares me and I cannot believe it's me that it is inside of. This pain that I am feeling from my last break up, is unbearable...and I face it everywhere I go. It's literally everywhere I look and I have to face the feeling everyday.

My thoughts have changed tramendously and become more and more unhealthy. This is when I know I've had enough. I kept turning to people to make the pain go away. I kept turning to people to make me feel happy and comfortable with myself and my body. I turned to people to take the anger from my heartbreak away from me.

This did work for awhile, but every escape from the pain was temporary. I thank the Lord that I have loving friends and family in my life that I can turn to when I'm hurting. Though this seemed to work at first, I don't have the urge to tell the same story again and again to many.

Now I know I have had enough. I've had enough with depending on others to make me satisfied with my life. I've had enough with depending on others to take my pain away. I do not need to depend on guys to make me happy with myself. God is love. and He has shown me in so many different ways that He has always been there. Waiting for me to run back to Him. This love that He has is everlasting and not temporary. It is filling yet causes me to want more. I need Him in my life and I'm so thankful to feel this unconditional love that I know will never leave.

Alot of the time I feel like I am not capable of doing many things. I feel like I am limited. My favorite verse is Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I know I can do anything through Him. and I am here to fulfill His will. I desire to grow closer with Him and follow His plans for me. I know that I can eliminate this instense anger I am facing. I am hopeful for the life He has laid out infront of me and I pray that I will have the strength to push away any distractions and temptations.